Chapter One - Unedited

A Promise of another life

August 1991

~ age seven ~


   There was something before I was born, I just can’t remember. My heart aches for the truth. I have asked the adults but all they tell me there is nothing before a baby is born.

   We sit in church and I hear the man up front tell stories from a large book. Parts of these stories feel like lies to me. I don’t know how to explain it, so I say nothing. Maybe that’s their truth, not mine.

   My own room–my new sanctuary– the aroma of the new paint and freshly laid carpet still lingering. I play with my Barbie and her RV. As I play my thoughts of the day unfold.

After a long day in the sun, helping Dad clean up the grass clippings wore me out. The sun begins to set and my eyes became heavy. The natural light slowly fades. I don’t notice the darkness filling my room.

   “Jamie.” a whisper of a voice calls to me. I look around. Down the long hall. Its dark. I am alone. I go back to playing, carefully listening.

   “Jamie.” the voice calls. I assume Mom is calling for me. I make my way through the hall and down the twisted, creaky, wooden steps to the kitchen. Mom is talking with Aunt Glenda. Auntie G lives with us, and works in the foundry with Mom. They are chatting about the latest gossip at work.

   “Hi sweetie, I thought you were asleep.”

Mom places her arm around me. Squeezing me with a side hug.

   “Did you call for me Mom?” I ask shyly.

   “No, I didn’t. Are you okay? You should be asleep.”

   “Yeah.” I nod. “I love you mama, goodnight.” I lean in to hug her.

   “Goodnight munchkin, sleep well.” Mom smiles.

I make my way back to my room and climb into my bed slipping under my covers. I stare out my window at the stars. This is so strange; I swore I heard something. Confused and frightened, I attempt to close my eyes. Pretending I am not afraid.

   “Jamie?” The voice implores.

   “Can you hear us?” My room fills with white columns of light not much taller than I am. With no defining human features. My room feels crowded. Something about them feels familiar and safe.

   “Yes, I can hear you.” I whisper. It feels like I forgot about something important.

My ‘imaginary’ friend, Zach, appears in the far corner of my room, listening. His energy stands out. Zach has been in my life since I can remember. People tell me he isn’t real. I know he is. I don’t always see him, more so I feel him. I feel him in the same way I feel all of them.

   “Jamie, we are here because you requested to be reminded of your promises. We are also here to make you aware, this is your last chance.”

One spoke all of them. Guilt fell to my gut. Images of my other life flood my mind. Dark parties, strange places. Knowing I was defying something important. How strange that the Spirits reset time for me to get this right. This must impact more lives than I can imagine.

My stomach beings to fill with butterflies. Excited at the opportunity to get things right this time.

   “What was my promise?” I ask, feeling that I knew already.

   “Before you were born in to this realm you promised us that you would be strong. That by your experiences you would make a difference.”

The Spirits pause.

   “Yes, I remember, I can see myself with all of you. It seems we are surrounded by a cream-colored fog, it’s bright. I am sad, I agree with you.” I whisper. I have a clear understanding that I know will soon fade. We are not meant to remember our past lives. Yet in this case it seems important that I do remember. The Spirits seem pleased. Their energy feels relaxed, a calming happy.

   “Your life will change very soon. There will be anger and confusion. You must endure. What feels wrong, may be the right path to take. We know you are strong and you will guide others. You are here to inspire. You will tell the many your story. They will have a better life because of your sacrifices.” The Spirits instruct.

   “Will you tell me if I am taking the wrong path?” I ask.

   “Yes, you will not always see us so clearly. As you age the connection will weaken and the messages will be subtle. You can regain this strong connection again if only you ask. Know, in your heart that we are always here.”

   “Can you tell me parts of my other life times?”

I ask with excitement to know more, I feel my truth being reviled and I want to know it all.

    “Yes, we can. As a gift to you.” The Spirits smile gently.

    “You already can feel the energy of the dead. Would you like to see them and hear them as well?”

The Spirits inquire.

     “No thanks, I don’t want to be afraid of them.”

I say quickly. “I would rather help them in other ways.”

Thrilled by the idea of helping those who need to say good bye. My hope is that it would be something I could do on occasion. The idea of seeing them sends shivers down my spine. The hallow bodies, or hearing them, people might think I am crazy. No, my life seemed it would be full of enough.

     “We are happy to offer you other rewards for all of your efforts. What can we provide you with when the hardest part is over?” The Spirits wait.

Thinking about what I want, I saw an image of a wonderful little girl. We are best friends. She understands me and I understand her. I am sure we will have our differences, in fact I hope we do. I am not sure what she looks like, maybe she will be half like me and half like her dad. I smile at the thought of having a husband. Someone to connect with the way my parents sometimes do.

   “Can I have this little girl that I see?” I already have so much love for her.

   “Of course. We have one other favor to ask. Could you be a mother of two?”

     “No, because I don’t want to be stressed out like my mom. One is enough. Mom already says that in her next life she won’t have any kids. I don’t want to feel that way about my kids.” I say with a hint of anger, secretly wanting two. Wanting to be calm and strong, not so easy to be angry. If I could be like that I would love to have two. As it is right now I get so angry that I feel like I leave my body when I scream back.

I don’t want to be angry like mom is.

     “You are the perfect match for her, she would otherwise have a tough life. With you she has a greater opportunity to succeed.” The Spirits tell me.

A beautiful little voice starts to speak. She is a little blond maybe appears as the age of four. She is easily happy.

     “Can you please be my Mommy? I promise I will be a good girl. I love you.” She says with a smile. I could not refuse her. A tear came to my eye.

     “I am sorry, I just don’t want to resent being a mom. I want to love it.”

A tear drips to my pillow.

     “It will be easy mommy, I promise.” She says.

I ask her what name she would like, but she wants her daddy to choose. “I will look like you and be like the daddy you choose for me.” Her little voice fades.

I’m sad that I nearly refused such a beautiful spirit. She has bright blond hair and a sweet smile.

     “I will, can I have five years with my first girl though? This way I can get to know them both one on one?”

I agree eagerly.

     “Yes, it will be done. We are surprised that you did not ask for money–most do.” The Spirits smile.

     “Well, yeah, lots of money could be fun. I don’t want to win it. I want to earn it. That way I will respect it.” I insist.

     “It will also be done. Now we must go. Remember we are always listening.” The Spirits assure me.

One at a time I feel them leave. The one who was talking to me was the last to go. Suddenly the room feels empty and cold. This all felt comforting. Knowing now that this life has a purpose. I just need to remember it.

     “Zach, are you still here?” I inquire.

     “Yes, I am still here, and yes.” He answers.

     “Was it real? Are you real?” I ask.

     “Yes, to both.” He laughs. “I already said that.”

   “Well it’s crazy that you answer me before I can ask it.” I pout.

     “I should leave you with your thoughts. I’ll be around if you need me.” He backs away and disappears.

 Its real, everything we just discussed will someday happen.

I can’t wait. I giggle under my sheets.

Being told what my life will be like, what to expect and that

I will do something amazing with my life. However, I am not looking forward to the bad stuff.

     Turning to the wall I close my eyes. Now I need to say good-bye to the life I love and brace myself for what’s to come.  Everything I had been told about God, Jesus and the church, never did make sense to me. Even less now after talking with the Spirits. Knowing there really are other life times, and that a life can be re-done. It’s all so exciting. How many past lives have I lived? I hope there is a way

I can see what they were like just glimpses. This must be my personal truth. That’s why the truth they talk about at church doesn’t make sense to me, but to my family it does.

     Right then I choose to keep this to myself. I even hesitated to put this experience in this book. However, this experience is my reason why I didn’t give in to the anger. Everything

     I would experience has a reason, a purpose and now

I know that. I began dreaming of what it would be like to share my life, whatever that may be, to millions of people. Starting in that moment I talked to the universe and haven’t ever stopped.



Thank you for reading the first part of chapter one.

 I don't want to give it all away.



Chapter Two